At 51, I'm embarking on a new chapter as a junior doctor, a path I never imagined. It's been a whirlwind journey, to say the least.
For the past four years, I've been breaking all the rules of normal behavior. I've probed, touched, and examined people in their most private and intimate areas. I've dissected bodies, handled human hearts, and endured every bodily fluid known to man. I've dodged blood, pus, and amniotic fluid, all while studying medicine.
Studying at 47, I quickly realized this journey would be unlike any other. Fear and inadequacy became my constant companions as I faced challenging situations. Asking a patient about their depression felt like a daunting task. How could I intrude into a stranger's private world, something I'd normally avoid in everyday life?
But my patients were patient with my nervousness. They encouraged me, understanding the necessity of learning. Then, there were those willing to let me insert a needle into their veins and those generous souls who allowed me to examine their newborns, even if it caused tears. The constant learning and touching patients' bodies transformed me.
One day, I realized the power of a digital rectal examination. I'd previously argued against it, but a urology professor showed me its benefits. I identified a hard, lumpy, asymmetrical prostate, confirming cancer. This moment was a turning point, and I felt a sense of accomplishment.
Now, as I start my first job, the pressure is on. I can no longer claim to be just a student. The title of 'doctor' feels fraudulent, but I'm thrilled about this new chapter. I'm excited to connect with people during life's most extraordinary moments, from births to diagnoses.
I've made small contributions, and sometimes, I glimpse the future of an experienced doctor. A seasoned paediatrician's skill left me in awe, and I felt that awe a year later in the emergency department. Knowing I might have helped a child avoid a lifetime of disability is a rewarding thought.
Looking back, I feel a mix of emotions: excitement, pride, and exhaustion. It's been challenging, but achieving my goal feels like a triumph, setting the stage for a rewarding career ahead.
